Let’s talk about sex baby: How to have ‘the chat’ after surgical menopause
Talking about intimacy after surgical menopause can feel daunting. Many women worry about hurting their partner’s feelings, being misunderstood, or confirming fears about being “broken” or “no longer sexual”.
Silence, however, often creates more distance than honesty.
Why these conversations feel so hard
Intimacy sits at the intersection of vulnerability, identity, and connection. When your body changes unexpectedly, it can feel easier to withdraw than to explain something you’re still trying to understand yourself.
Partners may also struggle — not because they don’t care, but because they don’t know what’s happening or how to help.
Avoiding the conversation can lead to assumptions on both sides.
Shifting the frame
One of the most helpful shifts is moving the conversation away from sex as performance and towards intimacy as shared experience.
Rather than explaining what you can’t do, it can help to talk about what your body needs now, what feels supportive, and what helps you feel safe.
This isn’t about blame. It’s about context.
What to say (and how to say it)
You don’t need medical language. Simple honesty often works best: “My body feels different since surgery.” “I want closeness, but some things are uncomfortable.” “I need to go slower.”
Choosing a calm moment, outside the bedroom, can make the conversation feel less charged.
When partners need reassurance too
Partners may worry that they’re no longer wanted, or that intimacy will never return. Reassurance that the relationship still matters, even if sex looks different for a while, can ease these fears.
At the same time, your needs matter too. Intimacy should not come at the cost of pain or distress.
When extra support helps
Sometimes these conversations are too hard to navigate alone. Relationship counselling or sex therapy can provide a neutral space to explore intimacy changes without blame or pressure.
Seeking support is not a sign of relationship failure. It’s a sign of care.
SURGE Suggestions
Talk about intimacy outside sexual moments
Use simple, honest language
Focus on needs rather than limitations
Reassure connection while protecting boundaries
Seek professional support if conversations stall
